I've always been scared of Abah ever since I was a kid. I used to curse a lot but I never thought of doing that every time Abah is around. Abah will easily get mad if the things he's been searching for is nowhere to be seen, and we'll be giggling in silent just to think about it. Out of the 4 of us, I frequently got scold and beaten up b/c I constantly get myself into trouble and that, I always have sentences to put up to fight back just so I look less guilty. So, I have small bruises then and my body was aching like crazy after that, then, I was determine to hold grudges against Abah and will not talk to him for the rest of my life, but then Abah came apologizing and put some ointments on the bruises so that it'll heal and said, you won't get beaten up if you're being all good. Most of the times, I'll forget the thought of having grudges instantly and realize it was my fault all along and I was just being idiotic enough to have been thinking of holding a grudge against Abah.

Meanwhile, I've never been afraid of Mama. She's more like a friend to all of us. Mama used to scold too but then I never got cold shivers running whenever she did. I talk to Mama for lots of things, and she'll always have good advises and responses along then. There was once when I was still in primary school, Mama got all mad and claiming that she's not my mother anymore and that i couldn't call her Mama up until then. I was so upset I don't know what to do, I got hungry and went to the kitchen, and there Mama was, cooking. Then, I stupidly said makcik to her and that I'm hungry and wanting to eat. All I remembered then was Mama forgave me. Then I know Mama will hold it to herself if she's freaking angry about something and will not talk to you for sometimes till she's okay. It's even scarier to think of being ignored by someone's biologically bonded to you than being physically abused,kan? Mama now teaches in suburban area, where telephone calls are not reachable and the electricity is off before midnight, and we live with our grandmother, my father works in Penang, so, we'll eagerly wait for the weekends for Mama to be back for holidays and we'll be happy for the three consecutive days every week.

I know both Mama and Abah loves me. Sapa tak sayang anak betoi tak. It's just me who makes it seems like it's complicated. I was looked after, I was given all the things that I fancy, I just didn't think like a sane person. I let them down. Now, I have to put myself back together to seek back the trust of both Abah and Mama. I must excel in studies, I want them to know that I never take their wishes for granted b/c all along I know they're the one who will be there for me every time, not some asshole who claims that he loves you, but looks down on you, curses you and walk away after knowing you're in problems. Family comes first. :')

She has the skinniest legs in this whole entire world.

Dah masuk kali kelima aku pi X-ray, baru ni aku tahu rupanya aku ada Scoliosis. Ya betul, yang kali kelima tu klinik swasta.

Fall

Out of my hands

Out of my heart

And when you hit the ground

You'll be sorry that I'm not around

Sedih ngat aihh dengaq lagu ni. Dah la, nak pergi dengar lagu tamil dance. Happy sikit.

Busta Rhymes is freaking sick. Hahahahahaha.

Mesej semalam, sampai bila-bila takkan dapat lupa. Memang sakit.

Cantiknyaaaa. I want.

Amboi Dang Suria, hang ingat hang cantik sangat ka nak mengata orang tak hensem tak boleh jadi pengacara. Kuang ajaq sangat aih. Dahlah bibir botox, geli gila wehhhhhhh.

My cats are getting thinner. Pity them, maybe because they're sick of listening to my problems by now.

I'm sick of exercising like a bastard. My thighs are not shrinking at all, but the other part of my body did, guess which one, yes, my fucking buttocks.

I have limited choices in choosing what field to continue for my degree, and why is that, oh i forgot, i chose diploma in culinary arts over pure science in matriculation. What was I thinking?

I have small arms, 26 inch waist, flat chest and flat buttocks, but my thighs are awkwardly huge. I weigh 41 kg, my height is 153 cm and my BMI is 17 which is slightly underweight. It's just doesn't make sense. How on earth I become underweight but my thighs are like the size of a ripe jack fruit. It's like all the foods that I eat run down to my thighs without even passing my stomach and the fat just sit there and multiplying in amount, it is ridiculously annoying. So, I'm working out on my thighs now, been 5 days starting from last Monday. I couldn't see much of a difference right now, but hoping to see it in 3weeks. Can't wait to have legs like chopsticks.

Currently, my thighs are like this, but this one looks normal, mine is like a smaller size of upper body and thighs are exactly like this.

And my target is this.

Wish me luck. Hehe.

In my last post, I mentioned I was proud and stuffs that my friends actually have something to be occupied with, and guess what, now, I am too. Wahaha. Happiness overwhelming. Hihi.

Hello,,

It's been a while since I last wrote. Been trying to write something here actually before,but I ended up pressing the backspace button over and over again, but now I decided to write because i is so bored omaigad.

Seeing most of my friends have something to do with their life now, I mean something decent, something to be proud of, something that won't make themselves feel humiliated if someone is to be asking what is going on with their life now, well, all I could say is I'm happy for them. Apart from being what I am now, I actually could have been better. I always have problems deciding which one is better especially when it comes to dealing with so many options, and I usually pick the ones that I' ll regret later, then I'll be sitting alone like a dog, talking to myself, thinking of I should have choose the other way around. I don't know why but sometimes I feel like I have some kind of disorder which the persons suffering from it behave like they have an imaginary friend or something, continuously having monologue conversations. Pathetic. Next time, if I have an opportunity to do something, I promise will work my ass off for that one :') Well, pretty much short for a bored person hihi.