August 23, 2011

I'm staying with my grandmother now. We moved out of our house, my dad got a job in Penang while my mom works far away from home, so the last thing they decide was my youngest sister will be staying with my aunt who lives nearby, while me and my brother live with my grandmother. I don’t really like the latter idea, because of some reasons, it’s not like I hate my grandmother, and hate really is a strong word. Back then, when I was still in school, I used to live with her, occasionally. I admit that I was kind of lazy, you know, girl is not supposedly reluctant to do daily chores in house and just sit there doing nothing but watching tv until your butt cracked so badly when you try to get up after 10 hours of sitting, especially if you live with your grandparents, because they talk, and talk, endlessly, and that is not good, AT ALL. So, yeah, after sometimes, I sort of used to it, it here means the back talking or whatever you call it, ok so I used to it, plus I don’t mind it either because I deserve all the ‘compliments’, back then. Now, that I’m 21 years old, I’m all grown up, I can proudly say that I can clean up, tidy up, all those things. What I’m trying to say is that, even if I clean, I sweep the floor, I wash the dishes, I mow the lawn, I wash my clothes frequently, EVERYTHING, she still talksssssssss. What makes me even sad is that she referred me as ‘perempuan’ when she talks about me with another kid who’s living in this house. I personally think ‘perempuan’ is slightly harsh especially when you’re referring to your granddaughter, it’s not like I don’t have a name or something. There’s always something’s wrong with what I did, and why the hell is that? What the fuck is wrong with her? I never raise my voice towards her, never, neither did I left all my clothes piling up and asked her to wash all of them manually. People say ignorance is a bliss, but can you even stand it if one keep talking about you in another language which she thinks you cannot understand a word even if you did nothing wrong, but then, acting like an angel in front of you to cover it up. I know that sometimes, older people tend to whine a lot, this is not good, that is not good, all bullshits, but can’t they even glance at the better side of us. Can somebody give me a logic explanation upon this matter? I have no intentions on being rude, but this is really making me cursing continuously like a fucking bastard,,, I can assume some of you might think that I'm slightly exaggerating, well, maybe I am. There's nothing much I can do here, plus, I'm unemployed for the rest of this holiday, that just make me feel even more depressed. Maybe, I take things seriously when it's supposed to be a joke, or maybe an advice. I can't wait to finish studies, get a proper job, a fixed monthly salary, a driver's license with my name on it, a car, and most importantly, being able to share some of my earnings with my parents and making them proud of having me as their daughter. I'm sick of being a loser for the rest of my life, I just hope for a better future to live for